Last night I went to the Florence & The Machine Concert. While she is my very favorite singer in all the world, all signs were pointing for me to not go: my sister cancelled on me last-minute; there were several tornado warnings; and I had yet another "dispute" at work. But after much internal debating, and a "let's just go!" from my easy-going brother-in-law, I put on my best face and went. And so very glad I did!
As I've been letting on bit by bit to you, my dear readers, I've been having some internal battles as to what path I should be seeking in this part of my life. This war has been raging, overwhelmingly out of hand at times, as I'm finding it is not easy to work full time in a field I'm not so passionate about and yet find a peaceful balance on the home front. I can say with 100% certainty that not every company really cares about children, and maintaining a positive attitude in such an environment wears away at ones soul rather quickly, particularly when ones heart isn't in it in the first place.
I try to maintain the tenets of gratitude each day, giving thanks for all the blessings of life that I'm beholden. Especially now in these the holiest days of the Jewish New Year: Repentance & Atonement...of others and myself.
Watching Florence glide across the stage, I was reminded of what life outside this cocoon of my reality ought to be: a place of graciousness, cosmic offerings, lightness.
Yet why do we make it more than it is, more than it needs to be? When we allow ourselves to continually feel that we are powerless, submissive to some other way than what we deem "true" and "right," then we are not being true to ourselves. We are not, as Florence sings, "following the heartlines in our hand." Sometimes we need to jump without the comfort of knowing whether the parachute will open and see if our own wings work.
I've always been a big believer in following my heart, wherever it may lead. To trust in myself, and have faith that the Universe has plans bigger than I could ever imagine. So now, I must ask myself, "dare I take that leap???"
"When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust him fully. Only one of two things will happen: Either he will catch you when you fall, or he will teach you how to fly."