Humor: Elephants—Feminists of the Wild

If you believe what Shirley MacLaine says—and I’m pretty sure you all do—then you will believe that I used to be an elephant. 

I just finished reading her new book I’m Over All That, in which Shirley says that if you feel a special affinity to a particular animal, it may be that you used to be that animal in your former life. Now, from as far back as I can remember, I’ve loved elephants. Here’s why:

1.  They are big and strong—they ain’t afraid of no lions, tigers or bears (nor mice either—that’s just a rumor flying around the savanna).

2.   The females mate with the males, and that’s the end of the relationship—apparently female elephants were the original women’s libbers! I’m not encouraging sleeping around, but have you ever witnessed the bad behavior of a male elephant? They’re cranky, solitary and conceited. Typical men. Girls in the herd ain’t puttin’ up with that.

3.  Then, when the babies are born, all the females in the herd stay together and raise those incredibly adorable babies together. The adult females become “aunts” to the babies and pitch in whether the babies are theirs or not. Love that idea! The real mama can go off to the elephant spa and relax, spray water on herself, wallow in some mud, and eat all the wild grass she wants with no babies annoying her while the trusted aunts babysit. How convenient is that?

4.  And the most important reason of all why I like elephants better than even their being powerful rockin’ feminists—compared to an elephant, I look really skinny!

So, elephant sisters, I salute you, admire you and hope when I leave this earth, I can come back again as one of you. And when I do, I hope my memory is better because as of now, my mind does not resemble an elephant’s, but the title of another good summer book I just finished reading, Can’t Remember S _ _ t.